Local tragedy reflects national problem of teen dating violence

By Elizabeth Hardin-Burrola
Staff Writer

GALLUP — This past spring, thousands of basketball fans watched as the Gallup High School Lady Bengals won the New Mexico State 5A Championship title.

And then, just two weeks ago, thousands of residents across the Four Corners region were stunned and saddened to learn of the tragic death of Brooke Spencer, 18, one of the gifted young athletes on the team.

Now those same residents will be watching federal law enforcement officials to see how they prosecute Phillip Notah, 18, the man who is alleged to have stabbed Spencer four times.

According to various news reports, Spencer had recently broken up with Notah, her high school boyfriend. Notah was allegedly intoxicated when police arrested him, and he had reportedly threatened to harm himself. A June 10 article in The Independent, which was based on the criminal complaint document, reported what appeared to be very self-serving statements by Notah to law enforcement authorities whereby he attempted to shift the blame for the stabbing onto the victim.

Spencer, of course, is no longer alive to speak in her own defense.

Although the particular facts of the case are unique to the local community, they do appear to fit into a larger national profile of domestic violence and teen dating violence.

Similar dynamics
Barbara Lambert, the executive director of Battered Families Services, Inc. of Gallup, talked about domestic violence in teen relationships during a recent interview.

"The dynamics really are similar," said Lambert of teen dating violence and domestic violence in adult relationships. Studies of male domestic violence offenders have shown that violent behavior toward women is a learned behavior, she said.

And as almost all authorities on the problem agree, domestic violence is not about anger management. Instead, domestic violence is about abusers exerting power and control over their partners.

Information published by the National Domestic Violence Hotline addresses the issue of how abusers often point the finger of blame for their own violent behavior: "Batterers typically make excuses for their violence, claiming loss of control due to alcohol or drug use or extreme stress. External factors like these do not cause domestic violence, although they may intensify already existing violent behavior. Batterers choose to use violence in order to control their partner."

"It's much easier to blame the victim than to accept responsibility for something I did," added Lambert. Domestic violence abusers are typically very good at blaming others, she said.

"We have to hold them accountable," Lambert said of domestic violence offenders, "and keep the victims safe."

Community members need to pay close attention to who they vote for in elections, she added, and hold elected officials accountable for what they do or don't do to protect victims of domestic violence.

Lambert also believes people need to be talking about the abusers in their communities, why some men and boys are abusive, and how they can be forced to stop their violent behavior. Society gives power to abusers when domestic violence remains a secret and the abusers aren't exposed, she said.

People tend to focus on the women and ask why they don't immediately leave abusive situations, she said, rather than focus on the abuser and ask why he doesn't stop his violent behavior.

Lambert said there are lots of reasons why victims don't break away from their abuser. The most dangerous time for victims of domestic violence is when they attempt to leave their abuser, she said, and they need support from the community to find the right time and method to leave the relationship safely.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 30 percent of American women who are murdered are killed by their husbands or boyfriends. "The reality of domestic violence homicides, which often occur after a victim has left her abuser," states a NDVH publication, "means that leaving doesn't always mean safety."Dating violenceTeen victims of dating violence face a number of problems that are complicated by their status as minors.

According to Lambert, some teens feel they can't talk with their parents about the problem, some feel they have the ability to handle the situation by themselves, and some teens are coming from homes where their parents don't have the time or ability to pay attention to what's happening with their children.

In some instances, she added, parents are aware some type of abuse is going on and they get frustrated with their child for not just ending the relationship quickly. There may be other things going on in the relationship that the parent doesn't know about.

"It's real important that family members stay in touch with teens," she said, adding that parents need to stay involved in the lives of their teenage children, listen to what their kids say, and know who their children's friends are.

If parents are unavailable, Lambert said, teen victims should talk about it to every adult that will listen. They also need to take practical steps like instituting a "buddy system," she said, where they never go anywhere without a friend.

Adults who do learn of an abusive teen dating relationship need to take the victim seriously, Lambert said, and explore options to keep the victim safe. One option would be to consult an attorney, she said, and another option would be to consult the counseling staff at BFS.

If teenage girls are experiencing abuse in their dating relationship, Lambert said they are welcome to come to BFS with a parent to discuss possible options. However, parents have to be involved in the process, she explained, because teen victims are minors who are under the legal care of their parents.

Only teenagers who have been legally emancipated can seek counseling at BFS without their parents' consent.

Lambert said BFS is looking at an alternative way of getting information out to Gallup teens. BFS is talking with local school administrators, she said, about the possibility of introducing or reintroducing a "Healthy Relationships" program into Gallup Junior High, Gallup High School, and Central High School. The program helps teens explore the issues of domestic violence, dating violence, and teen relationships.

For more information, contact:

• Battered Families Services, Inc. at 722-7483 (in Gallup) or 1-800-634-4506 (outside of Gallup)
  
  
• New Mexico Coalition Against Domestic Violence at 1-800-773-3645 or (505) 246-9240.
  
  
• Break the Cycle at 1-888-988-TEEN or www.breakthecycle.org
  
  
• National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE